I didn’t study, I didn’t graduate from high school. My school career ended quickly because I couldn’t cope with the school system and was bored to death. Every single one of the 10 years I counted, I was more than relieved when this time was finally over. My only explanation was that I might not be smart enough for this kind of system.
In the time of my company educational training I experienced the first time that I succeeded something particularly well, that I had fun with my tasks and that I really liked to work for something. For me, this was proof that I was more the “practical type” who was convincing through performance on the job than through a brilliant university degree. (not unmentionable that this is a parallel to my parents)
All my friends around me were studying, it actually always felt strange to be the one who didn’t. The only advantage that this had was that I was the one who made money, drove a car and had my own apartment while the others were still at the subsistence level.
My strategy: “at some point everyone will be done with studying and then nobody will be interested in what education who has done and the topic is quickly forgotten”. And that’s how it happened. The topics and the conversations in my surrounding of friends changed, at some point my complete environment was also integrated into the regular working life and we had a similar “9 to 5” day.
But this feeling “I would have wanted to study” was somehow still not gone.
No matter what job I did, I had an extraordinary performance, every job reference showed with proof that I did a good job (and I don’t just mean those pretty phrases). In every company, my superiors were actually always sad when I decided to quit and always asked me to come back anytime. When I applied somewhere, I usually had a good chance of getting the job. You couldn’t really have concluded from the outside that something was missing.
For a long time I investigated this feeling and put it in the category of “feeling less valuable” and having to compensate for it forever. Of course, I also made a huge secret out of this whole fact. I really thought I just had to work a lot more on myself to get that feeling off.
And then one day I had the breakthrough insight after working with the Avatar tools. It wasn’t a feeling what had to go away, it was a feeling what I want to experience!
I can’t really describe it, it’s like a moment where you allow yourself to feel “what if” and suddenly more life flows through you. How could I push it away and dismiss it all these years?
It took a few moments of becoming clear, then I was already registered as a “business economist” (beware is the mother of the porcelain box *german expression*, I still couldn’t completely trust that this feeling would last for the whole 3 years) and sat every Wednesday evening from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., sometimes also Monday evenings and every Saturday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. the next 2 years in lectures and learned something that really interested me. After graduating with a degree in business administration, I went for another 1.5 and did a bachelor’s degree in business administration.
I am now a business economist and have the opportunity to continue my studies. I feel so much more satisfied in this area of my life. But the best thing is, I have a lot of ideas that I had since school time (not so the type of learner, cannot concentrate, just not so smart, it takes a lot of time) thrown overboard and just tried again what I wanted so much, despite all the doubts. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a text I wrote, whether to promote the “perfect resume”, or that ALL should still be studying at 31 (I don’t think it’s right for everyone). My point is that you should listen to yourself and your feelings about what is right for you.
What I’ve learned is that it’s really important to be honest with your desires and dare to approach them, even if there are 1000 reasons against it, sometimes the one reason that speaks for it can have more power than you can imagine.